https://www.nytimes.com/2015/01/09/style/no-37-big-wedding-or-small.html
https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/pdf/10.1177/0146167297234003
(第一个链接这篇纽约时报的文章没有paywall)以下不是全文翻译,我精简了内容,以及加入了一些帮助阅读的解释。第二个链接是36个问题那篇原版研究的文献。
在这篇叫“To Fall in Love With Anyone, Do This”(就是字面意思)的文章里,提到了心理学家Arthur Aron做过的一个一个亲密关系实验。研究的是两个陌生人通过一系列私人问题加快关系发展。这36个问题是一问一答的形式做的,A问,B首先回答,A随后回答;然后继续下一个问题,B问,A首先回答,B随后回答。36个问题分成三组,其中第一组是相对简单一些的问题,第二组和第三组的问题都有一些深度,更加“私人”一些的问题。
看到下面以后你会感觉到第二组和第三组问题都可以发散下去,形成有深度的对话。所以完全有可能问着问着直接跑题,自然而然地进入对话中。
(这个实验还有第二部分,让两个陌生人对视四分钟)
第一组:
1. 如果有得选,你最想和世界上什么人共进晚餐?(Given the choice of anyone in the world, whom would you want as a dinner guest?)
2. 你想成名么?以何种方式?(Would you like to be famous? In what way?)
3. 你在打电话之前会演练一遍要说的话么?为什么?(Before making a telephone call, do you ever rehearse what you are going to say? Why?)
4. 如果你活到九十岁,然后二选一,能选个30岁的身体或者30岁的大脑,你会选哪个?(Before making a telephone call, do you ever rehearse what you are going to say? Why?)
5. 描述一下对你来说“完美”的一天(What would constitute a “perfect” day for you?)
6. 你有关于自己如何死亡的预感么(Do you have a secret hunch about how you will die?)
7. 你上一次自己唱歌或者唱给别人是什么时候?(When did you last sing to yourself? To someone else?)
8. 说出三件你和你的搭档(就是和你一起做这36个对话的人,以下出现partner的问题同理)的三个共同点(Name three things you and your partner appear to have in common.)
9. 你最感激生活中的什么事情?(For what in your life do you feel most grateful?)
10. 如果你能改变成长经历中的一方面,你会选什么?(If you could change anything about the way you were raised, what would it be?)
11. 用四分钟给你的伙伴讲一下你的人生经历,越详细越好(Take four minutes and tell your partner your life story in as much detail as possible.)
12.. 如果你明天醒来能获得一个能力,你会选什么?(If you could wake up tomorrow having gained any one quality or ability, what would it be?)
第二组:
13. 如果一个水晶球能告诉你关于你的人生或者你的未来或者随便什么东西,你会选择问什么?(If a crystal ball could tell you the truth about yourself, your life, the future or anything else, what would you want to know?)
14. 你有什么长久以来一直惦记想做的事情么,为什么没有去做?(Is there something that you’ve dreamed of doing for a long time? Why haven’t you done it?)
15. 你人生中最大的成就是什么?(What is the greatest accomplishment of your life?)
16. 你最在乎友谊中的哪方面?(What is the greatest accomplishment of your life?)
17. 你最珍贵的回忆是什么?(What is your most treasured memory?)
18. 你最糟糕的回忆是什么?(What is your most terrible memory?)
19. 如果你知道你活不过接下来一年,你会改变你生活中的哪方面?为什么?(If you knew that in one year you would die suddenly, would you change anything about the way you are now living? Why?)
20. 友谊对你来说意味着什么(What does friendship mean to you?)
21. 爱和感情在你生活中占据何种位置?(What roles do love and affection play in your life?)
22. 和你的搭档分享你认为的对方的优点,说出五个(Alternate sharing something you consider a positive characteristic of your partner. Share a total of five items.)
23. 你和家人的关系多近,你觉得你的童年比大多人要幸福么?(How close and warm is your family? Do you feel your childhood was happier than most other people’s?)
24. 如何描述你和你母亲的关系(How do you feel about your relationship with your mother?)
第三组
25. 用“我们”(这里指你和你的搭档)陈述三件事,比如“我们都在这个房间里,感觉到…..(”Make three true “we” statements each. For instance, “We are both in this room feeling … “)
26. 填完这句句子,“我希望能和某人分享说…..” (Complete this sentence: “I wish I had someone with whom I could share …“)
27. 如果你和你的搭档要成为关系很近的好朋友,请和他/她分享一件对方应该知道的(关于你的)事(If you were going to become a close friend with your partner, please share what would be important for him or her to know.)
28. 告诉你搭档你喜欢他/她的哪方面:诚实回答,说出你不会和刚遇见的陌生人说的话。(Tell your partner what you like about them; be very honest this time, saying things that you might not say to someone you’ve just met.)
29. 和你的搭档分享一件你碰到的尴尬事情(Share with your partner an embarrassing moment in your life.)
30. 你上次在别人面前哭或者自己一个人哭是什么时候?(When did you last cry in front of another person? By yourself?)
31. 告诉你的搭档你已经喜欢他/她的哪方面(When did you last cry in front of another person? By yourself? 这个好像和28重合了)
32. 有什么对你来说太严肃不能拿来开玩笑的事情(What, if anything, is too serious to be joked about?)。
33. 如果你活不过今晚,也没有机会和其他人再说什么话,你最后悔没有告诉某人的是什么事情?为什么没说出口?(If you were to die this evening with no opportunity to communicate with anyone, what would you most regret not having told someone? Why haven’t you told them yet?)
34. 你家着火,全部家当都在里面。抢救出你爱的人和你的宠物以后,你还能跑回去拿一件东西,你会选择什么?(Your house, containing everything you own, catches fire. After saving your loved ones and pets, you have time to safely make a final dash to save any one item. What would it be? Why?)
35. 你全家所有人中,谁的死亡会让你最伤心?(Of all the people in your family, whose death would you find most disturbing? Why?)
36. 分享一个私人问题,让你的搭档来建议说他/她会如何处理。然后让你搭档反馈你对你选择的这个问题看上去是什么感觉。(Share a personal problem and ask your partner’s advice on how he or she might handle it. Also, ask your partner to reflect back to you how you seem to be feeling about the problem you have chosen.)
以上这些就是在1995年的原版实验中问的问题,57%的参与者(课堂学生)有至少一次后续交流,35%之后·和搭档一起做过一件事,37%在之后的课上坐在一起。
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